Rough Draft: Need an end... any ideas?

Prom

Sitting in the middle of the room I listen to the voices crashing through my head. Everyone is buzzing with the school year coming to an end, however I am no where near as excited as they are. All anyone can think about is prom, senior week and going off to college next year. Whispers trail across the room during our teachers lecture. No one listens because there is no point, we are almost done and we just can't wait to get out of this place. My ears start to burn when I hear people gossiping about the party this weekend. I scribble useless flowers on my notebook as my teacher calls on me for the answer.

“Ellie… you must know.” Of all people, why me? Fifteen other people in the room and he has to call on me. I know kids say this all the time, but he is really out to get me. Mr. Freemount, my strange science teacher, has never liked me, ever since some one drew on his water molecule. One day he came into class to see Mickey Mouse drawn on the model and he accused me of it. He is so set in his ways that he can't stand to think he could be wrong for once. The last bell of the day drowns out my soft voice; I grab my bag and glide out the classroom door.

The wall next to my locker holds one of the many prom posters, "The Night of Your Dreams as Hollywood Stars" it reads. I have not thought about going, it is a month away, most people already have dresses and dates, both of which I lack. I stare at it when tall Nate smacks into my shoulder. Feeling like a brick wall just ran into me he turns around. His perfectly white teeth smile at me like a model in a magazine.
“Hey, oh sorry Ellie. Oh are you going to Zack’s this weekend?” I am speechless, this is not the first time I have ever talked to him, and I have lots of classes with him. I am just shocked he cares if I am going or not. Before I can reply he speaks for me. “Good, I will see you there.”

"Ellie, hurry up we are going to be late." Keira is my best friend; she always looks out for me. She was the first person to talk to me when I got to East Side High last year. She was stuck with the job of showing me around, one of the many duties of class president. At first she seemed disgusted but after a while she warmed up to me. Keira was one of the most well known people in our school, for lack of a better word, she was popular. She was different then the rest of her friends though. She actually cared about school and didn’t want to be the person in everyone’s conversations, although, somehow she always did. Her poker straight hair rested in a loose ponytail, Keira could wear a trash bag and still look gorgeous. She has brown hair, tan skin and always has the latest clothing item. On the flip side I am the total opposite; blonde hair, pale skin and wear whatever is clean. We were headed to the mall to look at dresses.

Moving to Florida from Michigan had ups and downs. The heat was the one thing I would never be able to get used to. The beach was practically in my backyard and everything was in walking distance from everything else. The mall was small but I never really found myself there to begin with. After several hours of shopping we both found the perfect dresses. Each dress uniquely made to fit our body type; her concealed curves and my pencil straight body. Every weekend I either spent time with my family, or over Keira’s house. Saturday morning came; I woke up zombie like to head off to work at the grocery store. All I could think about was the party Keira was going to drag me to that night. My heart started to pound just thinking about my past experiences. The loud music, alcohol and random people making out in dark corners made me shutter.
“Ellie, what are you afraid of? It’s just a harmless party, and besides what are you going to do tonight anyway? Sit at home?” Keira never understood what my deal was.

“I guess you’re right, pick me up at 8.” mumbling in defeat as I hung up the phone.

Hours rolled by and so did Keira’s car in my drive way. I run out the door as she honked the horn for me to get a move on.

“Why are you in such a rush to get there anyway?” Watching her hands fiddle with the radio.

“He is going to be there!” Keira always thought I was perfect for this guy Nate he was tall, dark and all the girls loved him. He was the typical jock who always came out smelling like roses, his life was perfect. Secretly I loved that about him, I never told anyone and still haven’t. Keira just knows me well enough to see through my disguise, which can sometimes be annoying.

Pulling up to the party I could feel the music blasting over our own, people screaming and the street lined with cars. I could see the bomb fire on the beach from where I stood on the street. With a little pull from Keira we were in the house socializing in no time.

Monday at school was the most I ever talked to Nate. Each day came with something new, first it was talking, then it was walking down the hall and soon we would hug outside my class room and he would leave. People whispered as they pasted, but I didn’t care, they were just jealous. Soon the day came when Nate asked me to prom. Things were starting to happen. Both me and Keira had dates and soon to be boyfriends. Keira was going with Nate’s best friend, which is weird for me to understand because she could have practically any guy she wanted. However Keira chose a guy that you would never have thought of as the boyfriend type. He was the best player on the golf team and took all of the AP classes. He is the type of guy that you would never notice until he was pointed out to you, but once he was seen you saw how cute he really was.

Prom was in a week, the plans were all made, tickets bought, limo driver hired and so on. Right when everything was going great the one thing I wished would never happen did.

New Perspective

Pg 88 ~ Sexy, Dev's View

“Mira. I have an aunt named Mira.”

My name is Dev. I work in an investment bank back that way, I say, tilting my head in the direction of South Station. I am the first man with a mustache, Miranda decides, she finds handsome.

We walk together toward Park Street station, past the kiosks that sell cheap belts and handbags. A fierce January wind spoils the part in her hair. As she fishes for a token in her coat pocket, her eyes fall to my shopping bag. “And those are for her?”

“Who?”

“Your Aunt Mira.”

“They’re for my wife.” I utter the words slowly, holding Miranda’s gaze. “She’s going to India for a few weeks.” I rolls his eyes. “She’s addicted to this stuff.”

Some how, without the wife here, it does seem so wrong. At first Miranda and I spend every night together, almost. I explains that I can’t spend the whole night at her place because my wife calls everyday at six in the morning, from India, where it was four in the afternoon. And so I leave her apartment at two, three, often as late as four in the morning, driving back to my house in the suburbs. During the day I calls her every hour, it seems, from work, or from my cell phone. Once I learn Miranda’s schedule I leaves her a message as soon as she walks through the door. “I’m thinking about you,” I'd say on the tape. “I can’t wait to see you.”

Theme 7: Re-entry

Waking up to a numbing feeling soaking through to the bone isn’t the most enjoyable feeling. Looking around to see if I was dreaming but only did I find the whiteness of reality. The sun was out, but by the dim gray hazing over the forest in the distance it wasn’t going to be for long. Here I stand in the middle of the woods, the ground blanketed with a thin dust of snow. Wearing only my old pajamas with the ends soaked through I tried to figure out where I was, and why I was there. As far as I could see the white forest traveled on for miles until it trailed off out of sight. I felt so alone. Most likely, no one had been through these woods in years. The coldness seeped through my cloths clenching on to my bones as if it were a warning. I wasn’t supposed to be here, as if I really wanted to be in the first place. There is a riddle about a tree falling down in the forest. If no one is around to hear it, then how would anyone know if it fell? I felt like there was nothing alive in the woods, not even the trees.

In the distance I could hear a trickling noise from behind me, hoping it was a river I turned in that direction. Maybe if I found the river, it could lead me home. I glanced up, my legs locked; I stood motionless starring several yards away a massive black figure staring back at me. I tried to think of what it could be but my brain wasn’t registering it. It was something I had never seen before. I felt a panic rush through me, my heart sped up. My legs disagreed when I tried to move closer to get a better look. Deciding to just back away slowly so it didn’t get scarred, I took one step back. The creature didn’t think I was anything to be afraid of, it was not frightened, but I undeniably was. Within seconds the creature ran at me with full speed. I took off as fast as I could toward the river, I could see my breath in the cold. My feet were freezing; it had felt as if I had been running for hours when really it was only seconds. My lungs started to burn, I could feel my heart pounding, almost through my chest when finally I reached the river. I must know where I am, or else how would I know where I was going.

The river was rushing at a rate I had never seen, my brain flashed back and forth to my childhood. Over my own gasps I could hear the monster behind me, with every step I took, it took two more. It was so tall while I was so small; I became aware of the probability of making it away alive. Feeling the figure close behind, my feet took me toward a bridge. Glancing at the icy covering and back behind me I wasn’t sure if it would hold, at least not the two of us. Closer and closer I felt the ground pulsate, I leapt onto the bridge, falling to my knees. The ice leached through my pants that were now ripped from falling. The thin layer of ice smeared with blood. Becoming conscious of the pain, burning tears started to roll down my face. The old bridge shook back and forth, crackling with every movement.

In the corner of my eye the black beast continued my way. Pulling myself up to the railing I held on for dear life. The creature took a step toward me onto the bridge, eyes locked onto mine. With only a few yards between us I could see the details more clearly then before. Its eyes were a strange blue, almost as dark as the night sky. The piercing eyes locked onto my face. The riddle flashed into my head, maybe I was the tree. I am the one who falls and no one even knows because no one is around to see it. The crackling grew louder, leading straight under my feet. The moistness in the air made my face feel damper then before, the bitter coldness captured my cheeks making the pain even more agonizing. My heart pounded faster then it ever had in my life, it dropped once more when I saw what was in store for me beneath the bridge. I couldn’t breath. I looked down, then back to its face when suddenly the bridge snapped.

Reflection: I only made a couple of revisions to my theme. After reading it over I some what disagreed to what people commented. I made some different word choices and moved some sentences around but overall, I kept the majority the same. I would not say that my writing is perfect but I am comfortable with how it is written and I wouldn’t want to write any other way. I feel that I used a lot of descriptive words and set the scene to feel like the reader was actually there. When I wrote this I really wasn’t trying to make a scary story, I wanted to make the reader to feel like they were in the story, that they could see the monster too and feel the fear. When I do free writes I usually end up doing the same type of writing about an event that happened in my life or a past memory. This time I wanted to take a different approach and I think I reached my goal of making something dissimilar from my norm. I read over the comments people made and I wasn’t really sure why they all put the same thing, but I took what they said and tried to improve my work. I tried not to repeat myself and make what they said untrue. My final theme is not a whole lot different then my first draft, but I was happy with it then and I am happy with it now. Hopefully the theme reader will be too.

Theme 7: Scary Story

Waking up to a numbing feeling soaking through to the bone isn’t the best feeling. Looking around to see if I was dreaming but only did I find the whiteness of reality. The sun was out, but by the dim gray hazing over the forest in the distance it wasn’t going to be for long. Here I stand in the middle of the woods, the ground blanketed with a thin dust of snow. Wearing only my old pajamas with the ends soaked through I tried to figure out where I was, and why I was there. As far as I could see the white forest traveled on for miles until it trailed off out of sight. I felt so alone. Most likely, no one had been through these woods in years. The coldness seeped through my cloths clenching on to my bones as if it were a warning. I wasn’t supposed to be here, as if I wanted to be in the first place. There is a riddle about a tree falling down in the forest. If no one is around to hear it, then how would anyone know if it fell? I felt like there was nothing alive in the woods, not even the trees.

In the distance I could hear a trickling noise from behind me, hoping it was a river I turned in that direction. Maybe if I found the river, it could lead me home. I glanced up, my legs locked; I stood motionless starring several yards away a massive black figure staring back at me. I tried to think of what it could be but my brain wasn’t registering it. It was something I had never seen before. I felt a panic rush through me, my heart sped up. My legs disagreed when I tried to move closer to get a better look.  Deciding to just back away slowly so it didn’t get scarred, I took one step back. The creature didn’t think I was anything to be afraid of, it was not frightened, but I undeniably was. Within seconds the creature ran at me with full speed. I took off as fast as I could toward the river, I could see my breath in the cold. My feet were freezing; it had felt as if I had been running for hours when really it was only seconds. My lungs started to burn, I could feel my heart pounding, almost through my chest when finally I reached the river. I must know where I am, or else how would I know where I was going.

The river was rushing at a rate I had never seen, my brain flashed back and forth to my childhood. Over my own gasps I could hear the monster behind me, with every step I took, it took two more. It was so tall while I was so small, I became aware of the probability of making it away, alive. Feeling the figure close behind my feet took me toward a bridge. Glancing at the ice covered bridge and back behind me I wasn’t sure if it would hold, at least not the two of us. Closer and closer I felt the ground pulsate, I leapt onto the bridge, falling to my knees. The ice leached through my pants that were now ripped from falling. The thin layer of ice smeared with blood. Becoming conscious of the pain, burning tears started to roll down my face. The old bridge shook back and forth, crackling with every movement.

In the corner of my eye the black beast continued my way. Pulling myself up to the railing I held on for dear life. The creature took a step toward me onto the bridge, eyes locked onto mine. With only a few yards behind us I could see the details more clearly then before. Its eyes were a strange blue, almost as dark as the night sky. The piercing eyes locked onto my face. The riddle flashed into my head, maybe I was the tree. I am the one to fall and no one even knows because no one is around to see it. The crackling grew louder, leading straight under my feet. The moistness in the air made my face feel damper then before, the bitter coldness captured my cheeks making the pain even more agonizing. My heart pounded faster then it ever had in my life, it dropped once more when I saw what was in store for me beneath the bridge. I couldn’t breath. I looked down, then back to its face when suddenly the bridge snapped.